will somebody punch me please?

I am a shitty friend. I don't even try. It's fucking bullshit. No wonder I'm always bored, and never have anything to say. I hate it. plus I think I have some weird fear of hanging out one on one with people. I guess I'm afraid they'll think I'm boring or weird or something. so I only hang out at parties and events. I guess I'm that guy. and I've made myself that guy. The guy who only hangs out when there's something going on and isn't really friends with anybody there. He's just there to have a good time. He doesn't just call you up to talk or play video games or whatever it is that people are supposed to do when they hang out. so here I am, sitting at home all alone, being sad because me and so and so aren't as good of friends as we used to be. and thinking that so and so seems kind of annoyed at me. I feel like I don't have any friends, at least no close friends and I'm feeling sad about it but it's my own damn fault.